C4

Ok, so while watching Rush Hour (I know I should be slapped) the blonde sitting next to me hears Chris Tucker get all excited about a trunk full of C4 some criminal was trying to sell him.

Blondie gets an odd look on her face and asks me.

Blondie: "C4, is that illegal?"
Me: "Yeah, of course."
Blondie: "Isn't that what makes cars go fast?"

There really wasn't much more to the conversation other than non-stop laughter, and some slightly hurt feelings. Sorry Blondie, but damn that is funny.

Gess

Techno continues....

So, watching this movie in the background while doing some work stuff, and it shows 00 [techno continues]

[Plates Breaking]

[Electricity Crackles]

The 00 represents the little "note" symbols that I am clueless on how to code in this stupid blogger world.

Awesome I say... and learn your opponent.

Gess over and out

Oh Jonathan, you are SOOOO funny.

So here goes, the first installment. Excerpts from emails I receive from the famous Jonathan. Not this Jonathan, but probably pretty close.

"I have no ambition for the upcoming NFL season except getting used to watching the Raiders and the 49ers each week. I have taken to walking in the evenings and yelling "Vick!" at the neighborhood dogs. Some people have no sense of humor."

It doesn't get much funnier than that folks, or maybe I just have a wierd sense of humor too.

And, if you are completely clueless as to what he is referring to, start getting your news from somewhere other than the "drudgereport" or the "ironictimes". Info about aforementioned Vick scandal here.

“Gessner and the Giant Exercise Ball” (kinda like “James and the Giant Peach”)

Other than my dumb dog spazzing out all night doing the “whimper whimper, whine, blubber, jerk around like she is being devoured by a pterodactyl” motions, and that adding to the crappy night sleep I was getting anyway, the one dream I remember is still freakin me out.

So, you know those big ass rubber blow up balls (not dolls you sick bastard) that people use to stretch/exercise with, or if you work in a dungeon like I do, that people sit on to replace their office chairs? Anyway, well somehow the ball that we have sitting downstairs grows a few thousand percent, either from consuming too much of the muscle juice that Barry Bonds never used, or by some radioactive waste (remember “eight legged freaks”) that some enemy of the environment is illegally dumping (just ask Al Gore). This ball starts to roll towards me, and catches up to me after my Carl Lewis style effort to out run it. It starts to pinch my legs as it begins to rolls over me, and it becomes harder and harder to breathe as the ball slowly suffocates me.

At this point, I am startled awake, thank god (don’t forget what happens if you die in your sleep, just ask Neo) and I quickly shove off the 14 pounds of clumped up comforter/blanket/sheet that are suffocating me, and realizing my dog is laying on my legs, and her sharp ass nails are digging into my foot.

So, anyway, everytime I hear the sound of wind or a whisp of air, I get a little nervous, and look over my shoulder hoping that damn ball isn’t coming after me, cause if you didn’t know, that is what a big freakin rubber ball sounds like when it is going to lunge at you (kinda like the fan in my bedroom when it is oscillation mode).

Man, it is tough being on the run.

Main screen turn on.

連邦政府軍のご協力により、君達の基地は、全てＣＡＴＳがいただいた。

iPhone = iway robbery

So, being slightly involved with the iPhone launch from the ATT mobility side of things, I thought I would post a few interesting links and Facts that I find interesting.

• Craigslist mayhem -- Link
• All Apple Employees, and contractors get a free one
• ATT employees will not get ANY discount on the iPhone even though they helped launch the thing (this includes no discount in the purchase of the phone, and they will not even be able to use it with their employee plan)
• The iPhone uses 3+ year old very slow technology "edge" -- Link (which means, all of the awesome web browser functionality that they tout will be almost useless. Who cares if your mobile browser can render normal web pages that aren't designed for mobile devices if it takes 4 minutes per page.) Silly. Show me the 3G!
• And, my favorite site for people with EXTREME imaginations -- Link

Cheers, and happy iPhone launch day.

a lot of hours

Being a project manager for large corporate wide initiatives you see a lot of overhead that obviously can be eliminated if anyone had the time to look at the redundant activities, and had a knack to do something about them. Obviously most of the project resources, ok a few of the project resources, are intelligent enough to see this, but they are doing all of the work, so are too overwhelmed to do anything about it.

A few days ago, while scanning through one of the many status reports that come into my adipose email box, I noticed the total number of estimated "man" hours it would take to launch a few modifications to a pre-existing billing system.

Just a few foundational facts:

1. This is a pre-existing application
2. The changes were considered minor
3. The calculation of man hours starts after the requirements phase

Ok, Ok, Ok, so what am I getting at? I noticed it said the total man hours needed for this release would be not 2,000 not 20,000 but over 200 freakin thousand hours. Are you kidding me? I could build a functional space ship, fly to mars, eat breakfast with the closest martian, and fly home in that much time, and still have a few hours to hit the "Lusty Lady."

And we wonder why big corporations get a so called "bad" rap for not being nimble.

Brown and WHAT?

What is brown and sticky?



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A Stick.



Ha, I kill me.

The Original Matrix

If you thought the Matrix series had some awesome fight scenes, check this shiz out.

fight

Now stop harassing me about never posting on this thing. :-)